Soulless Circus

. so how am i? .

2010-11-23T15:53:00.000+08:00

So, I have not been here loyal enough to even bother. To not bother about telling people how I felt today, or just now while i was having my lunch break, or even about yesterday, when I felt I was gonna crumble again into pieces. I did not even bother about sharing my little moments, or little highlights in my day, my week, my month, or even at least - my year.

I like to hang upon my memories - to help me relive those moments and to help provide support and encouragement for me to go on. Really, was it so important for me to keep clinging onto my past? I used to blog and blog, till all the cows come home and yet, i did not feel any satisfaction. I felt more depressed. My emotions were so strong it took over me and gave me a soul i could feel and create. (the irony of being depressed)

Now, i'm soulless, still searching for that little puzzle that could help put me back together as a whole again. I chose to turn my emotions off and to be numb of all situations that could make me cry my heart out, laugh my tears out and screamed till i felt dizzy. None. I couldn't feel anything at all, because i chose to.

Lately, i've been attending this training where i thought "it's just another training to help me in my career and to lead me to where i want to go". But where do i really want to go? i did not even bother deciphering that thought. I left it there - "where i want to go". Where was my destination? Why do i want to go there? How am i getting there?

Wrong. i was so wrong. I was in for a huge surprise - a training which i simply could not understand at first. I got nervous and started to panic, realizing that i wasn't doing well at all. I questioned myself again and again - where did i go wrong? why couldn't i make it work? why am i so weak? I did not cry, i did not laugh, i did not feel anything but nervous energy sucking up and surrounding me in whole. I couldn't breathe at all.

I felt like i could die just feeling like that - died as a nobody and lived a nobody's life.

Was that what i wanted? NO.

I was more than that. I had the courage but chose not to use it. I had the capability but chose to shun it away, afraid that i would hurt myself in the learning process. I had the real me hidden inside. Who is the real me? I'm a selfish person who would not bother what people thought of me. I rather walk, eat and run alone than having to beg for a companion. I'm comfortable in seeing people coming and leaving my life. I don't like blending in for the sake of pleasing others. I will laugh till my tears roll down and will cry as if my life depended on it. I am who i am.

Why did I choose to deny my true self throughout these years? Because i was afraid of being judged and seen as weird person.Or perhaps to the extend of a crazy woman.*faints*

Another month to go for this training. Whether i do well or not, to me at the moment, did not matter. As long as i can tell myself and pat myself on the back - "you did great mel."

. protect your email address .

2010-04-14T11:52:00.001+08:00

Scr.im is a fantastic online service that lets you protect your email address when sharing it online. It converts your email address into a short and safe link you can share on the web, in Twitter, forums, Craigslist, anywhere!

(thanks to swissmiss for the post! \^^/ )

. 说不出的悲伤 .

2010-01-24T13:05:00.000+08:00

那个书桌，我肯定不会拿走，就让它在哪儿度过一辈子吧。。那个书桌的回忆，太令人伤心。。

刻着的歌词，也属于4年前4月2日的痛。原来回忆是那么痛苦、难忘的。。
都不知流了多少夜的泪、喝了不知多少的酒~写下这些的时候，也刚是他离开我的第三个星期六。。不，是他背叛我的第三个星期六。。

这是你离开的第三个星期六
面包我吃了两口
啤酒还剩半升
香烟我还是一包接一包地抽
你搬走了以后
我还会常常在你住的公寓底下
等你下楼

现在是凌晨三点钟
喝了点酒头有点痛
寂寞的烟点燃空虚的夜
暂时把心放空
你晾的床单忘了收
没烫的衬衫有点皱
明天开始我将如何面对
没有你的以后

在家里还留着你的衣服和散不掉的熟悉味道。。。

那些美好的画面反复在播送
但心破碎了之后
要怎么去拼凑
baby baby
love can be so beautiful
只怪那一刻
话说得太重
所有的情节都失控
baby baby
love should be so beautiful
你给的太多
现在我才懂
只有烟和酒陪伴的
凌晨三点钟

对不起，是我给得太多。。是我让自己投入你所谓的幸福里。。我们，真的有幸福过吗？

现在是凌晨三点钟
喝了点酒头有点痛
你晾的床单忘了收
没烫的衬衫有点皱
明天开始我将如何面对
没有你的以后

你的另一个她又开始向我炫耀你们的爱。。。sorry babe, i don't think i need to know.. you may keep it for yourself..

六个月后的那年。。你们俩把我当成垃圾桶~~就因为她终于要正式结婚了而他没了她。。

凌乱的房间里头
还留着你的香味
怎么也戒不掉你独特的笑容
如果时钟倒着走
我不会再让你走
有些事情要绝望到底
才能看得透

果然，好马不吃回头草。。但，我不是一匹好马。。。结果啊~~~现在伤了自己。。。
怎么收拾？

. approach of art direction .

2009-12-17T12:33:00.004+08:00

Loving this? *giggles*

Head on to What The Duck for more ^^

. Makes Me Grin .

2009-10-01T15:48:00.001+08:00

. Personal Online Data Portrait .

2009-09-25T23:00:00.003+08:00

woot wooot~ =) my personal data portrait!

it's almoooost acurate! sports! =)

. Manhattan Skyline by Kings of Convenience .

2009-09-23T18:55:00.001+08:00

We sit and watch umbrellas fly
I'm trying to keep my newspaper dry
I hear myself say
My boat's leaving now
So we shake hands and cry
Now I must wave goodbye
Wave goodbye, wave goodbye
Wave goodbye, wave goodbye

You know I don't want to cry again
I'll never see your face again
I don't want to cry again

We leave to their goodbyes
I've come to depend on the look in their eyes
My blood's sweet for pain
The wind and the rain brings back words of a song
And they sing wave goodbye
Wave goodbye, wave goodbye
Wave goodbye, wave goodbye

You know I don't want to cry again
I'll never see your face again
I don't want to cry again

So I read to myself
A chance of a lifetime to see new horizons
On the front page a black and white picture of
Manhattan Skyline

. ah - ha - ha .

2009-09-19T13:11:00.004+08:00

ola~ =)

i'm finally back here blogging again! mind the absence. not to mention, not many read my blog anyway!

work is hectic and tiring as usual! but loving it as always! proposals and pitches to finish up, quotations to amend and to approve. The effort of trying to close my sales asap is always the hardest! knowing that clients will take a long time to go through management, approvals, rejections, amendments, budget approval and all that sort!

Currently working on a project which involves BTL materials. Too much to finish and too much to amend. Clients are always right! *nods sadly* i try to keep my designer-critics inside of me, but somehow it manages to unleash itself and creates havoc somehow around the office, from my creative head to my designer and finally to the client! okay, i admit, i'm such a stubborn cow! =p

'Nuff of work, back to personal happenings.

Bought my new baby, my Superheadz Wide Lens Camera Series 4 - Blue Ribbon! WOohoo~~~
oopz! mind the rotten black polish on my nails! should have brought my nail polish remover back home yesterday! too late! damage done! ahaha...

If you guys are interested in film cameras which doesn't need much figuring out of the aperture, color and ISO settings, do visit The *Click* Shop! Adrian has the meanest collection of cameras which are selling at affordable prices! COD or Poslaju, it's all up to you!

While you look through his online shop, I shall be busy snapping away in my new UWS tomorrow! =) Camping! At Bahau, Pahang! Thrilled with the camp expedition thought!

On another note, been busy picking up with my readings lately. My latest book at the moment?
Humourous insight of a guy who writes of his ex-girlfriends.. okay, am not done with the book, but you just gotta read it! =) Thanks to Hanna who loaned me the book!

Note that both these pictures are taken in the same way? With my ugly looking checkered clothes and fingernails! Thanks to the webcam! hehe... was kinda bored while waiting for time to pass by so that I can meet with some friends for gym! Trials.. trials... just trials at the gym! Don't think am gonna be able to afford more than RM150 of membership fees every month.. =p

We'll see how..

Do hope there's more blogs from me from now on!

Oh yeah, SElamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri! and have a lovely long-weekend peeps!

. malacca .

2009-08-05T17:53:00.004+08:00

. under my budget! .

2009-05-08T17:24:00.004+08:00

me <3>

great idea for me to actually work on my place! This idea just snugs comfortably in my budget

Another idea in my pocket! Woo hoo~

*jumps for joy*

now, to find the right color for my wall and prints!

. when it's sudden .

2009-05-08T15:24:00.002+08:00

It's a pretty good week at work and in life too..

Work is picking up~ There's ups and downs, oh well~ the usual stuff that goes on in the business of production houses.

Back to my point of finally posting a new post!

Why was it good this week then?

大猪called out of the blues. Just because he missed my voice. Thank God he called too! Otherwise I wouldn't be able to get hold of his number since I lost my bloody k770i.

OwWhH~ such a sweetie! The last ever Malaysian i met in Singapore before i came back to KL. Such sweet words, but as the chinese says, 口是心非. What do I really care about that? Just so happen that I was kinda in a bumped mood that day, he called. Made me feel rather lighter to hear a familiar voice.

Desmond messaged me on facebook. Despite of us not speaking to each other in awhile due to some arguements before i came back to KL. I suddenly told him I miss hanging out with him. Those sweet things, those gentlemen ways. The best is still his jokes which somehow encouraged me to stay on in Singapore at that time. Just before he went abruptly offline, he told me he missed those times too. *cloud 9~* woo hoo~ at least, im guessing he means it.

Well, if you've read my previous post, it took a drastic turn due to someone's mouth and existence. I used to blamed him for being the person who ruined our (D and me) close friendship; not anymore, i assume, since i realised, things happened for a reason. I can't blame anyone already. Pointless!

It's making me miss Singapore even more at times. The personal life, not working life, mind you!

Then again, looking on a brighter side...
Work is definitely getting more interesting and challenging for me nowadays. The challenge to get work done based on impossible deadlines, the challenge to do everything! haha~ that, somehow seems quite (!) familiar~

Been working on my other place in Sentul. It's a mess, a HUGE mess! And it's taking longer than usual. Gosh! But i guess it's gonna be pretty alright after im done with the place and when i move in! Let's just count the generations of spiders that has crawled through the space, and the generation of cockroaches that are currently roaming the place. *goose bumps!*

Oh, dear Adrian, no worries, i'm still madly in love with you. Don't ask me why~ it's something just so mysterious between us. =.=

7 years... *faints*

. selfishness .

2009-04-11T00:55:00.002+08:00

i admit i am selfish. quite a selfish one, when it comes to sharing my boyfriend with others.

why is it that when you mentioned that place, you did not tell me you were going till after you bloody well paid the money?

i'm pissed. i'm angry. i feel left out. do you know how it feels when your girlfriend travels without you? have her own holiday without you? i guess you don't. because i invited you for every trip. how stupid can i be?

am i the kind of girlfriend where you can only show to your family and not friends or colleagues?

why the hell did i introduced my friends to you in the first place then?

i'm hard to please, i admit. i'm a bitch, i admit. i can't be without you, well, i fucking admit it. otherwise, i wouldn't be such a fool to come back to you..

no more trips with YOU. you can enjoy your holidays with your gang of colleagues; whom i've never seen before, nor you having the courtesy to even mention their names to me or even introduce them to me.

i ain't invisible. if you treat as i am that way, FINE! i will be invisible from you from now onwards.

sometimes, it makes me wonder, why the hell am i eating my own words now? of me telling myself, being with you will just hurt me one day or another.

i'm just so pissed at the moment. tell me how can i trust you when you lied to me so badly long time ago? how can i trust you when i can't even trust myself?

fuck it.

i'm bloody well gonna enjoy my trip my own.

i hate being without you.

i hate you when you never even have the courtesy to ask me if i wanted to join.

i'm fucking gonna be too freaking busy to even see you for the next few weeks.

enjoy your weekends with them.

i'm trying to not be bothered bout what you do anymore.

argh!

*pulls her hair~*

. back for now .

2009-04-02T01:40:00.003+08:00

congratulations to me!

yes, i'm finally at this space of mine, which has been left unattended, for... almost 4 months now. shame on me! *sighz*

sort of went through a few posts of mine, which well, is still in the draft box. ain't sure if i'm gonna post it. somehow, some thoughts came to mind which kinda made me NOT want to post it, yet.

it's already April 2009, and for your information, I've been back in KL since December 2008. That's pretty fast. Had some adjustments made to my life, not as hectic nor as alcoholic as I used to be back in SingaLand. *thank GOd*

so, where am i? what am i doing? how am i doing?

needless to say, i'm grateful, for being able to get back into production line, which then, one of my second dream job. Not to say I'm in my dream job at the moment, just hoping, for that little sparkle or sign to drive me to that dream. There wouldn't be much to say, since i've just started since February... work's busy nontheless.

people around me are not too bad, i would say. learning things as i go and trying to capture every single experience i can get from this business. who knows, you would one fine day see my name at the credit of a movie, or my name up in CLIO's TVC awards. *drEamS on* then again, who knows?

everything's picking up fine for me since i came back. did i regret leaving singapore? i guess not, in a way. having to leave my work in singapore is good for my own sake and future's sake. the only part i miss the most are the friends that i've grown to know and love over there.

shall try to update more often. hope my thoughts aren't scattered around when i need to collect them properly.

till then~ ^^

. xmas memory .

2008-11-28T10:24:00.000+08:00

Here it goes again...

X'mas carols singing through the atmosphere, x'mas gifts displayed.. waiting to be bought and to be given on that special day. Why am i the only one who looks as if xmas is a bad omen?

Once again i'm left with straying thoughts...

All but one vivid thought, one vivid memory.. What would have happened to us, if that thing never happened to you?

7 years ago.. we were happily on the phone, anticipating the time to meet each other in KL. And you, who did everything secretly for me all those times.

2 weeks before that Christmas, you promised me that you'll be in KL. Just to celebrate our first x'mas, just to tell me face to face, how and what you felt... I waited nervously, the first and last ever gift that i had to think more than twice before i got it for you..

7 days left before xmas.. how was i to know, that phone call from him, your best friend, telling me this news? It took you away from me forever, leaving a scar so deep and a pain that burned through my heart. How could you leave me without an answer? Why?

Too traumatized by the whole news, all i could hear in my ears, through the phone, was "internal bleeding, bled too much.." and the next minute, you left me.. forever. Tears, and more tears..

I will never forgive you, for leaving me alone... I will never forgive you, for not fulfilling your promise.

Where am i to go now? Who shall i give the gift to?

7 years has passed, that little unwrapped gift is still with me...

I miss you, my dear angel.. i just wished, i could see you one last time before you left me..

. a song .

2008-11-27T17:58:00.003+08:00

Dear Mumu~
Once again, let me dedicate this song to you.. it might not be you, it might not be anyone.

Then again, let me just share this with you... just because, it reminds me of you, in some way...

Why am I missing you still?

纪念
想念变成一条线
在时间里面蔓延
长得可以把世界切成了两个面
他在春天那一边
你的秋天刚落叶刚落叶
如果从此不见面
让你凭记忆想念
本来这段爱情可以记得很完美
他的样子已改变
有新伴侣的气味的气味
那一瞬间你终于发现
那曾深爱过的人 (嗯)~~
早在告别的那天
已消失在这个世界
也许那一次见面
是生命给你机会
了解爱只是人所渴望的投射面
只是渴望会改变
他的爱已经不见已不见
那一瞬间你终于发现
那曾深爱过的人 (嗯)~~
早在告别的那天
已消失在这个世界
那一瞬间你终于发现
心中的爱和思念
都只是属于自己曾经拥有过
曾经拥有过曾经拥有过的纪念

2008-11-26T22:27:00.001+08:00

It's a week left for me here in this little island...

It's been 13 months since i stepped foot on this little place and sought for my dreams... and yet, I've achieved none.

感觉有点失败～

however, there were so many memories; a bitter sweet symphony i shall say..

Let me count the ways i've grown since I came here. I've learnt that working life isn't as easy as I thought, more or less, working and living alone in a foreign country. Though it may seem similiar to the city i've grown up for the past 22 years.. the culture, thoughts and life is definitely different. People here are more aware of your capability and they tend to be afraid of you, thus, there comes the ill-spoken words coming from them...

I've learnt to be more relaxed and discipline. Knowing what to do, and what not to do. I've become a more complex person in ways that I've never known. Shunning from all posible feelings that may lead me to depression.

This does sound bad... *laughs*

Since August 08, I've been drinking much more than i could imagine, compared to the past few years. Everyday since that month till now, alcohol has become my best friend and my sleeping pill. Why the sudden change in habit? I've no idea. Perhaps, I just enjoy the entertainment, the life I've never had, the freedom. Of course, having such free life definitely pays. Haha~ Lack of sleep!*grins*

当然，最令我伤心的事，仍然就是因为自己不小心把心打开了。。

Somehow, I could remember vividly still. He came up and just smiled. Someone I've never seen for all the months i've been working here.

The 6th floor guy, i shall name him. Perhaps, my angel?

One the first day - I realised that he actually notices me from before i changed my hairstyle. To be exact, since august till now...Too many sweet words, too much care and sincerity that he gave me the next day. It's weird, funny and yet to be remembered.

On the second day i saw him, some herbal tea and a pack of lozenges was all he gave me the next day, just to ease my cough, he said. That was nice of him. Should i open my heart a little?

On the third day - dinner. where did we go? just some usual fast food place... i remember him trying to hold my hands while we were just walking around.. a tingle in my heart and a sudden stop in my heartbeat. It's been awhile, I haven't had this feeling. Ah, what a feeling~

On the fourth day - how sweet of you, angel, to accompany me all the way there just to pass that thing to my friend. and to ignore calls from work. i think, perhaps, i might just open my heart a little more. i can see your sincerity...

On the fifth day - east coast park was fun. a refreshing time out... *grins to herself* I'm sorry, angel, to make you stay up till late just to accompany me. I know you're just too exhausted and furthermore, work on sunday...

And out of the sudden.. things took a 360 change. was it sincerity then? oh was it just a way to get me and throw me away? Like a used toy. I guess i'm starting to understand why i closed my heart in the first place.

i couldn't understand the coldness anymore. i couldn't fathom what is going through your mind. Oh god, just when i started to open my heart a little... things come crumbling, crushing the door and blocking my heart. Tears? No, there were none. I couldn't cry. I just couldn't.

Once again, i tried my very best to shut my heart. The doors didn't budge for those few days... I sat there, thinking and staring into thin air. Damnit!

Well, it's gonna be a short, painful memory to erase, somehow. It bugs me a little.

What shall I say to you, angel? I guess, all that can ever come out from me would be a short Thank You. For the sweet short memories, for the kindness you showed me once.

. lil update .

2008-10-16T15:32:00.006+08:00

so now, i haven't been really been a good blogger lately. the fact of the lack of updates from me is due to......

. busy work schedule .
. been having night outings .
. been procrastinating with my updates .
. thinking of good things to post up .

let's see... let's start from last Saturday itself... (11th October 2008)... had a 'sleeping day' and ended up awaking from my beauty sleep around 4pm++~ did house chores.. yada yada~ then decided, where to go? Thanks to Teletubbie~ me ended up meeting him at Central around 6pm~ did some laughing at some Cosplay happening around that area. Mind me, it wasn't me who started the laughing. It was him! Well, i may be open to all these cosplay thingys.. but i DO give my salute to them who actually dares to walk and travel by MRT dressed as their favourite anime/manga characters. But some are just, too.... overrated?! Thank GOD Teletubbie did not bring his cam out.. otherwise.. *cencored* ... lolz!

Had a Fish & Chips dinner for S$7.90 at Fisherman's Wharf.. chatted the way through dinner and laughing at each other's way of eating habit.. Right, i hated vinegar on my dory fish, yet, he persuaded me (in a way) to try the the vinegar.. and mustard.. not too bad, not too bad... it was a rather big portion and kinda got me bloated! *damn!*

ended up walking and surveying 'neon-lighted' pubs from Clark Quay, to Boat Quay, then to Tanjong Pagar, then a lil of Chinatown.. the purpose? trying to find a place for a drink. and where did we end up at? Funnily, back at Clark Quay... at Harry's Pub... great jazzy live band.. love her raspy voice, though i didn't get her name. my badz!

Sunday... 11th october 2008.. erm.. 'sleeping day' again till 12pm++.. did the usual house chores then there comes Yuki, Tracy & David who came to prepare lunch! Vietnamese lunch! hoho~ i'm in for such a mouth-watering feast! lolz~ so the gathering of 5 Vietnamese (Yuki, David, Tracy, Hannah), 2 Singaporeans (Ben & Friend), 1 Malaysia (me) and 1 Chinese (Nana) started from 3pm++ for god knows which meal...Red wine and beer were a favourite at this party.. then there were hours of bantering... more drinking, and more drinking... and bantering.. gosh! this was going on for hours... =.=|| so it was a food and drinking day at home today..

Monday - 12th Oct 08... pool and drinks with Ben & Gracy at KG Pub.. the usual things. Had a few games of pool with the other guys there, won a few but lost too many... guess my skills sometimes fails me. But am still proud that i can still play and focus as i used to~

Tuesday - 13th Oct 08
A sudden invite from Brian (my hometown friend) to Bonkers at Craig Road.. I've totally no idea what kind of place was it. When i got there, there it was! Another pub... something like KG pub, but far, far livelier! i guess? loads of good songs being sung, and the singing was pretty decent, not like those... erm, trying to hard kind? A lot of songs from Gary's Betrayal (bei pan). Had a couple of drinks and chatted with Brian most of the time.

And i just realised that he's got a 7-yr old daughter who is absolutely cute! just like him! gosh.. unfortunately, things took a turn for his family and so, he's here in Singapore, enjoying freedom and the $$ he earns here. I sighed a heavy sigh and thought, at least he's making money, and i'm not making any at all. Wonder if it's a sign from god to make me go back KL and work my ass off. *waves the thought away*

Headed off to Rumourz at Clarke Quay and continued the drinking and dancing. The whole place left me feeling that I'm back in KL once again..The kind where i used to frequent back in my younger days... *though i'm only 23 this year! yes, it makes me feel old...* Crowd was really quiet and only a few tables were taken. Good, I thought, since i can move around freely without getting bumped or shoved aside... Nothing much to say about being here. Just a comfortable feeling, with Brian and friends...

I guess i'm getting used to Singapore's life afterall and feeling just so right at home...

. blind date .

2008-09-27T21:14:00.004+08:00

Let me see, an anonymous sms saying that Ray was too shy to ask me out. Fine, let's go out on Saturday night then, Ray, that anonymous fella (Kelvin) and me to St. James.

As expected, Ray is in MIA mode again. No biggie. To cancel the outing is fine with me, to proceed without Ray, it was fine with me too. *lolz* since i don't have people asking me out on Sat nights anywayz~ *grins*

kayz then, a blind date it was! gosh, nerve-wrecking and excited. what if he runs away when he sees me? what if i'm a disappointment during the first meet? what if i did not give a good impression? sighz~ gal oh gal! i'm just thinking too much~ hoho~

it was a good experience, knowing that this fella is a gentleman and it's hard not to notice how boyish looking he could be! *drools* oopz~ let me wipe the drool off!

dinner, or perhaps i should say, a light dinner at Barracks Diner, Dampsey Road.. one of his client's place. Love the menu they have there! Overall setting is not too bad, looks classy enough for me to not go there.. Well, i just can't afford such place! I guess? A glass of red wine in the restaurant and went to the outdoor seats for a smoke... And he claimed that i was growing a gold fish in my red wine. We talked a bit bout each others goals, life and dreams.. it was a good chat, though it gets a bit funny bout me sitting too far from him.. *grins*

Next stop? Sentosa! Cafe Del Mar at Siloso Beach! Heard it used to be one of the fav night spots in Singapore. But today, it was just.. dead? nonetheless, both of us were comfortably lying on those bed-sofa thingys.. looking up to the dark sky.. which were, just not having any blink of stars. only clouds were playing in the wind, changing shapes as the wind blew silently...

it was a good, relaxing blind date... never expected to give this sort of thing a try though..

imagine~ if we kissed? haha...

'nuff talk.. some stuff i took.. random pics, related to~ him! lolz lolz~

. bloody cool road name .

2008-09-23T16:57:00.003+08:00

lolz! i didn't know such place existed... =p

this is good! should get someone to scout for this area...

if the picture is blur, go see it for yourself!

. permission .

2008-09-21T10:56:00.000+08:00

oh~ permission bowl! wait, permission card! wonders, what am i permitted to do today?

ooh!!!! great great! thank you oh mighty bowl!

so now you know how i spent my entire Sunday!

so, you need one too? here you go~ thank you keri!

. apology template .

2008-09-20T14:32:00.002+08:00

I guess, there wouldn't be an excuse saying, 'I can't write an apology letter just because I don't know how to!'

anyone up for this? here you go

. Day of an Aquarian .

2008-09-19T10:47:00.007+08:00

爱烟，爱酒和爱熬夜的水瓶座最近要稍微节制一点了，否则健康很可能被你毁掉。

Translation:
Aquarians who has the habit of smoking, drinking and burning the midnight oil needs to be more aware of their health.

Okay, point taken.

I don't believe, really, in horoscopes. But just today, I'm feeling that little truth.

Or, is it just a coincidence?

. cute cute cute! .

2008-09-19T10:47:00.004+08:00

Cutest tab organizers!!! =p

Thank you swissmiss ~! ^^

If only I could get my hands on them, and if only I will use them! Since it's too cute.. lolz!

. whatgoogleknows .

2008-09-18T11:33:00.004+08:00

Find out more about this site.

It's just a bit hilarious or even a bit lame. perhaps the creator knows what he/she is doing instead. =p

. copy paste character .

2008-09-16T10:33:00.000+08:00

Shortcut through copy + paste.

When you're just too lazy to click the Glyphs folder. Hoho~

. who's the cookie monster .

2008-09-11T16:45:00.002+08:00

If i was insane enough, I might consider. If i was given a job in NYC and not have any financial support for the room, I will consider. If i'm a genius with cookies, I SHALL definitely take it!

"Your room contains a twin bed, a dresser, a desk w/chair, and a TV with cable access. The TV is tuned permanently to the Food Network. You may watch only shows featuring cookies and cookie by-products."

new york craigslist > manhattan > rooms & shares

$1 Room for ONE DOLLAR in bright, clean apartment (Upper West Side)
Reply to: hous-834022781@craigslist.org [?]
Date: 2008-09-09, 1:44PM EDT

I am looking for someone to rent the spare bedroom in my spacious 2-bedroom apartment on the picturesque and desirable Upper West Side. You must read carefully, however, as this situation is not suitable for all.

The rent is $1 per month, utilities included, as long as you bake me fifty (50) tasty cookies every day by 6 p.m. If you have not completed this task by 6 p.m., I will pour vinegar on all your belongings, throw them into the street, and have the locks changed. No exceptions and no excuses. Hell or high water, those cookies better be done and yummy.

Cookies are always cookies and never biscuits. I do not eat “biscuits”.

I will decide the specific type of cookie the day before and will submit my preference in writing by 9 p.m. of that day. You are responsible for the recipe and ALL the ingredients (at your expense, of course). The kitchen is large and well equipped with cookie sheets, rolling pins, mixing bowls, etc. You may NOT hum or sing as you prepare the cookies. You may, however, recite song lyrics in a normal speaking voice.

Forbidden ingredients include anise, marjoram, allspice, caraway, and oats. I will nevertheless request oatmeal cookies from time to time and you must find a way to make them without oats. Good luck with that. The worst ingredient of all, though, is NUTMEG. If even one speck of nutmeg, even the tracest amount of the stuff, is discovered in my home, I will pour vinegar on your belongings and chuck them in the street. You may assume the locks will be changed. You may use cinnamon, cloves, and raisins, though I am rather indifferent to these and will likely not be impressed. Chocolate is encouraged, as is vanilla bean extract.

You will be given three cookie cutters: a crescent moon, a star, and a doggie in profile. All cookies must be in one of those three shapes. The doggies must be given names and all the names must be different and cute. Cuteness is my call, not yours. For example, “Smuggins” is cute but “Lionel” is not.

The cookies must be artfully arranged on a lace cloth on a silver platter and garnished. Permissible garnishes include jellied fruits and candied flowers. Sugared figs are under review, but don’t get your hopes up.

Your room contains a twin bed, a dresser, a desk w/chair, and a TV with cable access. The TV is tuned permanently to the Food Network. You may watch only shows featuring cookies and cookie by-products.

If you are interested in this arrangement, please submit the following:

1) Your favorite cookie recipe
2) A picture of tasty cookies
3) A short original poem about cookies

Thank you.

86 at B’way

* it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests

PostingID: 834022781

. first DIY post, sort of .

2008-07-25T20:38:00.004+08:00

woo~
First DIY felting kit!
Bought from Daiso at onli S$2~~~ Happee~ happee~ ^^

Materials included:
~ 2 pieces of felt (2 colors)
~ Embroidery Thread
~ Instructions
Okay, the look of the coaster i'm gonna sew!
Materials needed:
~ Scissors
~ Embroidery Needle
~ Tracing paper
~ Pins
~ Tailor's Chalk
Follow the instructions~
Trace then cut according~ Easy peasy!
All out in trying to get it neat and proper.. Oops~ the edges seems like doggy ears~ lala~
Well, had it all done in 2 hours. Long right?
My bad, had to pay attention to details and since it's the first time sewing such things. Will be better!
Deng! Forgotten bout the finished product image!!!!!

Whoops~

. big headed prawn .

2008-07-13T11:29:00.002+08:00

busy busy day.

went for Raffles City (City Hall MRT) to find aunt for lunch and to pass her some stuff. crowded as usual, weekends! ended up at Food Junction and had Pepper Lunch... nasty food, compared to the branches.

rushed back home to prepare Dash for his visit to the vet. Gosh, it was a tough ride to and fro the vet. Dash is soooo not used to being in the carrier and in the cab that he kept struggling to get out of the carrier. And me, ended up with a scratch, 'souvenir' from Dash. =.=|| anyways, thank God it was just a tiny scratch!!

The Animal Doctors Pte Ltd. Located at Ang Mo Kio Ave 4. Great facility and friendly staff! Love the attention from Dr. Kathy and the receptionist! Well, the attention goes to Dash. Such a charming boy and yet mischievious! *sweats*

Well, what I learnt from Dr. Kathy was about his age. He's rougly 3.5 months - 4 months and is moggy of DSH (domestic short hair) + Oriental. Sharp features on the head. Healthy, healthy boy! Most important, he's so darn curious at everything! Weighing at 1.6kg. or was it pounds? Lolz! Got his deworming tablet and shall feed the other half of the table in 2 week's time. Got his first vaccination done. Everything done! Pricing is reasonable, with all the consultation and jab and tablet, came up to S$48.

Got back home and once again, Dash was struggling to get out of the carrier on the ride back home. Naughty fella! I'm sorry that mummy has to put you through this.. you'll get used to it! I promise! *snuggles up to Dash to tease him a bit!*

Changed his litter and food & water bowl, all fresh! And i'm ready to meet my aunt for a short shopping session at Far Eash Plaza, Orchard. Little did i realised, i locked my room door without remembering my house keys!

clever!!!! what a big headed prawn i am! =.=

cost me S$45 to get a locksmith to open my room door. gosh! better get a duplicate to be placed somewhere in the house. lesson learnt.

Dash isn't feeling that well after the visit from the vet. He's suddenly all so 'manja-ish' and purrs a lot. The normal side effect of the jab. Oh well, you'll be snuggling with mummy again tonight my dear! Not to mention, Dash kept disturbing me with his tail since he wasn't feeling well enough to crawl over me all night.

Sweet sweet Dash! ^^

Pictures of him being so still after the jab~ poor darling.... *muakz*

. Addition in My Life .

2008-07-12T13:57:00.003+08:00

Surprise surprise!

Adopted Dash! =)

and of course, i didn't sleep well the first night with Dash. He was... manja-ing me.. and wants me to hold him when i sleep.. and when suddenly i turn, he'll start meowing me to remind me that my arms gotta be around him... how sweet!!!!

=)

shall update more ~~ happy soulless me~ *grins*

. KTM ride back .

2008-07-08T21:45:00.001+08:00

Sometimes i dread the day of leaving KL and getting back to Singapore...

My third time in riding back by KTM's night train. Bunker style!

. Scarlet .

2008-07-05T23:00:00.000+08:00

Thanks to all who came and surprised me! Love you all, as usual!!! =p

. marriage .

2008-07-01T11:22:00.002+08:00

it's sometimes so sad to see wedded couples split.. especially when both are your friends.

*sighs*

it takes me into a darker side of my thoughts.. that marriage scares me and all these.

commitment.. trust, sincerity and care.

I, (name), take you, (name), to be my [opt: lawfully wedded] (husband/wife), my constant friend, my faithful partner and my love from this day forward. In the presence of God, our family and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow. I promise to love you unconditionally, to support you in your goals, to honor and respect you, to laugh with you and cry with you, and to cherish you for as long as we both shall live

lies? or a fall through of commitment. too many people around me ...

relationships falling apart.

where then has 'unconditional love' gone to? was there even such existence?

looking at some old couples I pass by. arms around each other. that beautiful smile or just a simple nod, shows much sincerity and love. so much envy filling inside of me.

which then i start to doubt myself and that future us.

if all sorrows and pain can be washed away from our memories by alcohol. i shall then embrace the love for alcohol and indulge in those moments.... never looking at sorrow and pain. what will life be then?

how i wish....and still know that life will never be the same...

. chee wee + dinner .

2008-06-25T22:52:00.001+08:00

Soya Bean + 'You Tiao'

From left: Pancake with Egg and Chicken Floss, 'You Tiao', Sweet Glutinous Rice with 'you tiao'

Taiwan Onion Pancake

Dinner!

Walked from Kallang MRT till Geylang area just to look for this particularly famous shop selling 豆浆油条 (Soya Milk + 'You Tiao').

Another famous foodie among Singaporeans! =) Not a local delicacy, but from Taiwan!

Thank you Chee Wee~~ lolz!

Venue: Geylang area, Singapore (yes, among the famous red light district, great food are found within this area)

. random sunday .

2008-06-22T15:50:00.001+08:00

Random play, random pictures, randomly me. in life .

why the mood? *grins* thanks to you, Joanne~ ^^

Venue: Coffee Club, Vivo City

. i wonder... .

2008-06-11T21:12:00.002+08:00

so many things has been happening recently...

from home, to singapore.. to work, then to personal life.. back to friends...

what am i really doing here in Singapore? am i really able to chase my dreams here? Or rather, would i be even able to touch even the slightest of my dreams?

How and where. When and how. Where and when. When and where.

I'm missing out everyone's life. What the hell am I doing anyway?

Or am i just uninvited to everyone's life. or so, i feel that way.

Life is different now. Very.

Now and then, there's a pause. or rather, a stop.

Am already picking up life; thus the next question would be: where do i want to go?

cookie is back in KL. been missing cookie for so long! the last i've seen him was... at 1U, a day he was dued to head back to HellHole (Pakiland)... the worst being, cookie lost that hand-sewn cat i gave him!! *sighz*

cookie oh cookie~ hope you're feeling much better after resting and getting your medication from... your dad? or yourself? almost forgotten you're almost a doctor yourself! *hugz*

thoughts running around~

i miss you.. yes, you! i know you read my blog... though i just found out recently. things has been rocky for us.. very... sometimes i still wonder, is there still love? or is it just pure habitual. not even sure for myself.

i rather, i should, have taken that road right from the time i decided to hop on the bandwagon of M'sians to work in Singapore.. it feels painful to know, to feel, to suspect, to hear... or even to think.. bout the past. wait, it has been happy most of the times in the past; then again, the unhappy past, can lead to so many misunderstandings, so many tears, so many anger, so many hurt...

thoughts running around again ~

been quite troubled with the fact that i haven't got around my weakness in designing.

like a kid running in circles, chasing nothingness.

nothingness.

an abrupt ending.

. unlucky? .

2008-06-09T14:15:00.006+08:00

so here i go again. being unlucky. the second time since i went and came back from kl.

the first time, i had to go through a pain staking week of not having my Singapore number with me since I lost it back in KL. (wait, it was due to my carelessness... but still?!! where the fuck was it?)

then just the past weekend, i had the bloody courtesy to loose my freakin' Malaysian identity card!

now it's just bloody frustrating that I've to worry about the validity of the police report i made till the time i get my bloody ass back to KL to get a replacement card. It will cost me... RM30?! or more?! oh my fucking god! (*hands shaking above my head with a 'chup' sign*)

Happy Birthday to....
Mushroomie~ (5th June)
Junnie~~ (8th June)
My dear sis, Audrey~~ (9th June)
Kian May~~ (10th June)
Chee Yee~ (10th June)
Alexander (18th June)

Love you guys always... =)

It has been a rough month, again...

Considering when shall I go back to KL for good?

Sighz... but i want a career!

on another note... here's a test picture TingLin took this morning before running off to get some pictures for a project....WTF?!

One of my favourites at the moment....

多想要找到一絲掙扎在妳臉上
可是你美得冷得淡得像月亮
等著你的那輛車　燈閃一下
像催你草草斷了我們的過往

約好要每年回到初擁吻的地方
劃一個記號寫下相戀的感想
等明年我剩一個人坐在堤防
該唱首什麼歌來紀念愛的傻

讓你逃亡　又讓你回航
讓你依賴　我也讓你倔強
只要你微笑　帶一點感動的淚光
我就能夠得到再給的力量

我讓你飛翔　又讓你說謊
我讓你苛求　我也讓你奢望
我還以為愛　就是要體貼的退讓
我們一起蓋的羅馬　你卻跟他拆了城牆
踩過我用摯愛建築的天堂

約好要每年回到初擁吻的地方
劃一個記號寫下相戀的感想
等明年我剩一個人坐在堤防
該唱首什麼歌來紀念愛的傻

讓你逃亡　又讓你回航
讓你依賴　我也讓你倔強
只要你微笑　帶一點感動的淚光
我就能夠得到再給的力量

我讓你飛翔　又讓你說謊
我讓你苛求　我也讓你奢望
我還以為愛　就是要體貼的退讓
我們一起蓋的羅馬　你卻跟他拆了城牆
踩過我用摯愛建築的天堂

太絕對的愛　變成了活該
朋友要我責怪　我卻只想重來　也許這就叫愛

我讓你飛翔　又讓你說謊
我讓你苛求　我也讓你奢望
我還以為愛　就是要體貼的退讓
我們一起蓋的羅馬　你卻跟他拆了城牆
踩過我用摯愛建築的天堂

多少日子蓋的羅馬　你用一夜拆了城牆
踩碎我曾讓你棲息的胸膛

. floating .

2008-05-23T11:59:00.002+08:00

announcement: soulless @ pillow is having mild depression.

symptoms: paper cut @ cuts

reason: it hurts too much to bear already

cause: me,myself and him? perhaps...

solution: am still finding out the best way. things are getting colder lately. it hurts even more.

please help me go through this suffering. please stop myself from hurting myself.

. graduation day! .

2008-05-03T12:20:00.011+08:00

i know.. it's been a week and i haven't uploaded graduation pictures!!! here they are!

btw, it wasn't a great dinner. lolz... RM90 per person is really killing me!

disappointment of the day: i received nothing but my 'certificate'. what?! no gifts? not even a flower picked from the roadside for me? geezzz... anywayz....

Sheraton Hotel, Subang Jaya:

did i mention? we went clubbing again, instead of the intended drinking at Borneo... *sighs*..
then again, we met these 2 beautiful ladies and a handsome chap! okok, they're my classmates.. it's surprising that after graduating, we actually got together(coincidently) and had loads of fun!

*evil grin*

enjoy the pics~! taken at Coco Banana, Sunway:

the yam cha session with Kevin and gang at Taj Curry House, Sunway:

Shoutouts to:
The Bong Family
Cheryl
Kevin
Black Cat
Leong
Weng
Khai
3 dudes from ad48 (sorry, cudn't remember your names... my bad!)
Teck Chee
Kenny

=)

i finally found friends whom i can really call friends.. ^^

. desk mate oh! desk mate .

2008-04-15T14:56:00.003+08:00

ever wondered, where has your desk mate gone to? or do you still remember the first day you walked into this strange classroom and picked a random person to sit next to?

or, your sad sad teacher thinks the class is too young to decide for themselves where to sit that she has to arrange seating for the students. pathetic.

wait, i'm talking about secondary school choices.

mine was, anywhere i cant sit! 3rd or 4th row i can't remember.. but how did i end up with this desk mate, i ain't so sure!

pathetic lil' me was kicked back into an all girl's school when i was 16. mum said it was due to me being 'uncooperative'. heck! it was called rebellious! mummy doesn't know it, i assume.

2 years in that particular school. nothing could stop me from playing truant with studies, only volleyball and friends.

End of story right after graduating from that school. Thank God!

What made me suddenly talk about this topic anyway? What was the point here, hello?

Right! The very first X'mas card. from my old desk mate in that girl's school! Holy cow! Amazingly, no one bothered to send anything to me. First, I wasn't really bothered. What bothered me then? Seeing her card and the feeling of almost wanted to slap mylsef came. Why didn't i post back? Ain't too sure. The usual procrastinating, till it was X'mas no more. Then, the need of sending the card was not there.

The card still came! After a few years. OMG! I can't believe it.

Then there was Friendster and MSN. Then the contact was there.

Till today.

Kalaiarasi.

^^

Thanks for the good chat. For the good ol' memories of us being desk mates. The squabble over a small thing and the cold war. Who broke the silence? It was funny and childish, yet it was a damn good memory.

The statement 'we all have the same thing! what differs is the size and color!'

*LOL*

Definitely a good one! Why hadn't I thought about that?!

It's good to know she's doing well and adapting to life's changes. It feels so homely now. Though i might be in Singapore at the moment.

It's good to know that someone still cares about you even if it didn't occur to you to send a small note of thanks.

. sweeeeet! .

2008-04-05T15:43:00.009+08:00

Time at Big Bulb does fly.. it's already a week and i'm adjusting well enough.. wait, it's called SURVIVING!

Used to think that I would definitely hate a designer's job... but lo and behold! i'm loving it.. it's just unbelievable..

i think im starting to make something out of my wasted life afterall.

did i say? my name card.. designation is Account Executive.. yeah.. am multi-tasking again.. but hey! no sales pressure!

3 more weeks till graduation.. and i don't think i look any slimmer.. and to think i haven't even bought any dress.. nor even think about it! OMG... worst scenario, shall just grab whatever and anything i have in my wardrobe and strut to the ceremony like a PRO! (i hope...) *crossing fingers*

. lingering thoughts .

2008-03-31T19:15:00.002+08:00

i just read your msn message.

it hurts a lot, ever since i told myself that i would let it go. it just feels unfair for me, at the mean time.

=.=||

what the heck am i thinking anyway?

thank God it was raining... at least it didn't show it was tears or raindrops on my face... never wanted to show you the crying side of me..

though it's not meant for me...but i've already seen you crying,Kiam Tat, long long time ago, once upon a time at the playground behind my house...it hurts me so to still see it in my memories..

for the first time you showed me the face of a crying boy...for the first time you showed me what was love and security.

then you took it away from me...

sighz.. i guess i will never understand how you feel now.. it doesn't really matter a lot too me now...

let me try to let it ALL go...

how true it is, first love just doesn't die as fast as you expect...

my current love?

....... having doubts......

. jie-rism .

2008-03-21T03:30:00.002+08:00

tuesday. 18 March 08. a historical day in my life, in singapore, in this specific company.

a courage where it took me a whole day to prepare. a decision that took me 3 months to decide.

well, that's it! got the guts to tender my resignation letter and which i shall terminate my services from this specific company officially on 31st March 2008. Of course, unofficially, I shall be attending work.. on thursday!

a full, long weekend to rest and calm my mind down. which then I shall walk into a new office and environment, and a position that I have so wanted to pursue after graduating in August last year. It wouldn't be my dream job yet I can say. Nor it is a hell job. Unless you want to start comparing the time I get off from work.

I guess both my superior and boss and other colleagues has understood and was ready for my resignation. It bears them no loss at all and why should I waste MY time anymore? Once there's no point for me to grow in this position, I evaluate and balance and rethink of what I shall do. Sales isn't a part of me and I shall emphasize, that it would never be a part of me. I was never good at it.

Then it came to me, I am good at another point of view in advertising.

My next to conquer and to find out, would be: What is my Advertising Philosophy?

It takes time to learn and to know, since I have only been in this industry for such a short, short period. Don't mistake me for giving up in advertising, I am just giving up on trying to make Sales in advertising, just because I know i won't be good enough in the eyes of others and myself in sales.

Decision has been made and has been done. No turning back, just walking forward into a new environment. A new challenge for me mentally and physically; to get back on track where I've left it unwillingly.

On a lighter note, it would be a long weekend for Singapore this week.

A gal's night out I would say, only the 3 of us stooges... VH tai kar jie and Jo jie... *sniggers* and me, the youngest gal... (*lols* i DO take pride in being youngest...haha~)

So it was Boat Quay? Clarke Quay? Jo jie said it wasn't a problem, but when VH jie and me found a place decent enough to sit, chill and chat, there came Jo saying it wasn't a good place. WTF?! Jo was on the phone when both of us gals were trying to figure out the place to hang out. Jo mouthed: anywhere. So it was anywhere in Boat Quay!

For Christ's sake.. it wasn't. Lolz.. after a few rounds of getting some nice screwings from VH and me, Jo finally said to go: Sommerset. For good old live band at Acid Bar. It wasn't at all that bad! I did not have any complains.. The couple who sang that night was good, though not good enough, Jo said.

The best part of it all, songs dedication to me! Lolz.. had a surprise and it was so sweet of Jo! Jo added a 'love you' and it was so touching for me. Knowing that Jo and me weren't particularly close in the office due to some reasons.. it was totally different to know these two gals, VH and Jo out of office.

SO there came this Jie-rism, which then I took full advantage and tortured Jo out of it.

We made a pinky promise: 25th June 2008 to go Bali!

No breaking promises gals! =p

Oh, how can I live without you gals! *hugz*

Thank you for the sweet, quiet, pleasant night!

Love you gals too! *smiles*

. daniel .

2008-03-14T13:19:00.002+08:00

sorry for not updating in quite awhile.

soulless has been busy doing some soul searching over the past few weeks... yet fails to find her soul, YET.

met up with Daniel yesterday along Orchard. just a little information, Isetan in Wisma Atria is NOT the only ONE in Orchard.. there's another one at Shaw's House.. which was why I was walking like a mad soul around Isetan Wisma Atria to actually search for Bobby Brown's counter in Isetan.

=.=

Half an hour later, he called to finally say, "the McCafe is at Shaw's House, is that anywhere near you?"

A sudden thought... WTF?! How can I be so dumb to assume that Orchard has only ONE Isetan?!! *dish!* i slapped my forehead.. almost knocking out thoughts from my soulless brain.

Met a new friend, PC~ my 'si fu' in copywriting! I'm sooooo very the excited.... hopefully, i'll be able to dig and absooooooorb aaaaalllll the information and skills she has... *prays so haard!*

Thanks Daniel for everything.. the inspirations..the recommendations.. and thank you for giving me the enthusiasm to pursue in my dreams again..!

. what to do? .

2008-02-25T09:05:00.003+08:00

it seems so wrong, yet so right at the same time.

don't blame her for telling me of her story and which, triggered my memory of years before...

vivid memories those were.. 2 days 2 nights begging you.. and you were so so cold.. i've never seen you so cold before. the struggle to know what has happened between us in all of a sudden. just that night at my place you asked me for dinner; then the next i remembered was your cold voice and me rushing like a silly fool to beg you for forgiveness.

life had never been the same since then. 6 months of torture. well, the most torturous part of this were the smses she sent me. it's like a knife stabbing into pieces of me..i guess you'll never really understand how i felt. in fact, you were enjoying every moment with her. what's more, she's legally married to another guy. are married women better for your taste? i have no idea.

the smses she sent me.. those cruel words that kept on pinching me..

6 months of drinking... of trying to get myself drunk, just to forget those painful moments.. the struggle to see who was the person you were busy calling and smsing for those few weeks before disaster struck me. the bed where we used to share and hug to sleep, i still remember myself trying to hug you that night, begging for your forgiveness. the bed where you coldly pushed my hands away.. all so cold and cruel..

Revenge, was all I could think of.. but after being with you again.. i felt that i never wanted to hurt you anymore..

I guess the thorn is still there. how to take it out, i'm still not sure yet. after that night's conversation, im not sure what to do already. to continue and try to forget the past; or to let it all waste, down the drain..it's hurting me so much now.. knowing that i can't let all these sweet memories of us fade through time..

tell me, what can i do?

lost confidence in you? or have i really lost confidence in myself already? i've been trying so hard to better myself since i came to Singapore, hoping for the best, for the both of us.. or was it loneliness here that have lead me to such thinking? im so confused at the moment.. where am i to go? what am i to do next?

was hoping so much of a sms or a call from you.. none..

what was i thinking?

im so reluctant to do anything now.. =.=...

all i know and realised the whole of yesterday, that i missed you so much.. is it love then? or is it because ive been with you for so long that i don't want to spend my time with another person anymore; or have i really found you as my companion for life? i've still yet to find out...

so lost.. so lost...

. no more . the end . nada .

2008-02-23T10:58:00.002+08:00

the part where i dreaded has come to face me.

letting go? keeping silent?

i don't think i can keep on forgiving you, while my heart still says no...

no more promises, no more you, no more us...

what if you wait? for awhile, maybe you will. when everything cools down, you'll realize that there'll be someone better than me.

i'm wishing you all the best.

forget our promise, my promise...

senseless for still missing a person now.. i hate you...

. wishes . thank you all! .

2008-02-17T12:31:00.002+08:00

happy birthday to me! =p

happy 23rd birthday to Ee Ling~~~~~ God Bless you gal~~

note to all and myself, never to go Bar Celona anymore!!!!!!

a rather large shoutout to:
Cheryl, Douglas, Albert, Po, Wei Ni, Po's Sis.. (sorry, didn't get her name!), Sue Ann, Megat, Kevin, Ryan, Kuan, Weng, Weng's Gal, Ashley, Kenny, Douglas's gang of friends.. and especially Alexander(!(@&(@$%#!)..

thank you all for coming that night, i know it was rather unpleasant with the place, the situation where there were no more glasses and no tables and yada yada.. and especially the stupid raid!!!!

nonetheless, im glad you all came.

Alexander, im hating you ! just because you didn't do as you promised! other than the fact you came as a surprise that night. then again, you broke your promise!! disappointed, i couldnt get to you.. sighz...

im once again preparing to get back to Singapore.. it's kinda sad, leaving again... it feels so homely back home in KL, none of Singapore's memory ever came back to me, not even once.

My promise to you, I'll be back as soon as possible just to be with you... if all turns out well for me..
My promise to you, that nothing shall stand in our way anymore..
My promise to you, that these promises are for real...

. rough . tough . wtf .

2008-02-01T19:06:00.000+08:00

been dreading the day.

it's a friday and yet, im hating it..

why?! i just don't get it anymore... what are the boundaries now?

stop threatening me .. im afraid of breaking..

. trying .

2008-01-28T17:47:00.001+08:00

been trying to squeeze my brains for craft works lately.

still looking for inspirations. been going through a lot of wonderful crafters! makes me so excited...!!!

. bitten . stepped on .

2008-01-26T10:57:00.000+08:00

To Change Wording in Client's Artwork
. easy .

To relay the message to me
. easy .

To wait till Saturday for designer to get it done (since there's renovation going on)
. easy .

BUT WHY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

don't step on my tail. don't make small things looks like a fucking BIG problem.

IT IS NOT A BIG PROBLEM. STOP MAKING IT HARD FOR ME....
and don't go running like a poor BITCH, reporting this SMALL matter to your subordinate.

IF YOU'RE TOO FREE, RETIRE EARLY...

i admire you for your attention to details. but nothing ELSE makes me admire you.

. desktop .

2008-01-24T18:31:00.000+08:00

changed how it looks again... my desktop. this time it's from HTF... haha...

oh why oh why... why does she need to do this to the family again? upsetting everyone.. my parents are totally heartache and headache about the whole situation. i finally know how my dad feels last time, when i was the one who caused most problems... years back.

. nyek .

2008-01-23T15:23:00.000+08:00

something worth hugging Kelvin so tightly the next time i see him.. this was what i saw in facebook accidentally.. in one of the applications...

Kelvin threw you across the room with one punch
Kelvin said: "gambateh!!!! CATS supporting u ya!!!!"

You seared your fingerprints into Kelvin's bones
You said: "nyek nyek nyek...."

it was quite awhile ago when he sent this.. all i could remember was the time, 3.33am.. must be working the whole night, as always. and there i was, revenging the punch with such cruelty..

it never trigger me he'll say such things.. what a sweet sweet friend! and all i would do was always bullying him and Ernst.. deng! i suddenly feel so bad.. *knocks myself on the head*

and im missing them all at Cats Photo House now...especially those 2 monkeys.. and that man ! Chris! lolz.. my dad and mummy, Elaine~~~~~~~~~ so miss you all...

. bloated .

2008-01-22T20:11:00.000+08:00

*buuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRrrrrrrrrrrRRrpppPPppp....*

oopz! excuse mwa.. ate too much.. thank god dinner is on the company.. since i had to OT to get some artworks done for the Health & Wellness exhibition comin this friday till sunday... so many artworks, so many corrections, so many mistakes. I wonder if i ever become an editor one day, would this happen to me? will i get all blurred?!

still waiting for the final amendments.. it's earlier than yesterday. but as time ticks by, it feels as if ive to share a cab home tonight..

a friend asked me about the lost of confidence in myself. how can i explain? perhaps he doesn't really know me well yet.. perhaps i've no answer to that question he asked. it's just a feeling that is unexplainable, then.

there is a friend whom i can talk to, but it's just rather hard to get him out, since he's always busy.. there are others as well, but why should i be so selfish in disturbing others having their own time?

KokoCrunch has been wondering about my disappearance from his mobile call and message list recently. Thanks for the sincere thing.. appreciate it.. but i know, nothing will ever happen... ^^ right?

it's blardy cold in the office now.. an ice cubicle. just so feel like getting this heater and put it right beside me. perhaps a cup of To-Go Venti Vanilla Latte from Starbucks would do some good in making me feel a bit warmer.. *sniggers...*

. working late .

2008-01-21T21:18:00.000+08:00

Not sure why does everyone dread Mondays. I used to dread, from primary school, secondary school.. But not anymore... there's a satisfaction in looking forward to a Monday. Still gotta figure out why is Monday such pretty to me... *ponders and ponders..*

It's 9.20pm, 12 hours and 20 minutes since i came into the office. Devotion to work? Devotion to the perfection of the copy for my client's artwork? I have no idea. What makes me stay so strong? How long can I withstand these hours?

Was having a long thought over the weekends.. i shall choose not to work as an AE when I've got kids.. it's unhealthy, unless i can go back early and take care of their well-being. Now i understand why one of my lecturer quit her well-paid AE job to be a guest lecturer at TOA instead. Of course, that is i ever have kids or want kids!

I wonder how is everyone doing over there back in KL? I wonder if Piggy Sakai is still the same person? The bubbly and cute girl.. and if she received my Xmas gift i posted to her? How is Cheryl coping with work now? Is she still working in the same dreadful place? I miss these 2 specially.. just because for the first time in life, I'm able to click so well with girls. Don't get me wrong..I've got girl friends.. just that it's hard to find the same sex who has got that click with me. Or perhaps im just too choosy?

I just wonder.. and i miss 'em..not to mention.. Mushroom..who's still working in China.. how are you there gal? Hang on and be strong!

Can i?

. 3 weeks .

2008-01-14T15:44:00.000+08:00

exhausted.lethargic.
mentally.physically.

i've came to a conclusion where i realised i've lost all confidence.

the weekends weren't weekends for me, it was company training week. Leading Organization Training. Glad in a way that I was called for this, unhappy due to some things that came up on Saturday night where a few of my colleagues saw tears rolling down my cheeks. I did learn, but practicing it may seem hard and reluctant.

It's a small matter, really. To me, it's big and influential in how people view me from that incident onwards. Confidence level: less than 40%.

Again, it was KokoCrunch who consoled me the whole week. It feels comfortable to let it all out to him. The nagging may seem neverending, but i somehow feel thankful, at least, there's someone who cares. That is what he says... still thankful, no doubt.

In 3 weeks time, 22 days time, to be exact, I'll be heading back to KL for a week long of Chinese New Year. Not to mention there's Valentines' to celebrate(if there's a date to go with) and my birthday. Gosh, i'll be 23 this year. for once, i don't want to think about the age. it's scaring me...

updated my desktop. lolz... thanks to Ernst for giving me that silly yet cute Save the Alien invitation on FaceBook.

cute?

at least, a way to cheer myself up? ^^

. randomness .

2008-01-11T12:27:00.000+08:00

random thoughts...

. can i call in for a half day leave?
. will my fav psp be my least fav from a month from now?
. why did he call me this morning?
. can i finish my 1 year's contract in this company? despite of the troubles here?
. will i have any future in this company?

are these random thoughts? or are these troubled thoughts? i somehow can't feel or see the difference of anything already.

i guess there's this thin fine line i'm ignoring...

im running around my problems over and over again. this sucks. it's like this everyday.

thank you, for listening to my problems for the last few days. i realised i was just repeating it to you everyday. *sighs* thank you, for the advices, the drinks, the laughs you've given me...

let's look at something else.. my desktop picture..for instance..

can you feel my mood yet? or how i feel currently?

. lost .

2008-01-10T17:34:00.000+08:00

im not sure why i'm feeling it all over again...

should i be the one to be blamed? should i just leave and walk away?

wasn't able to sleep soundly since 2008 came into sight.. it feels as if i'm suddenly all different.

is it my problem?

an uneasiness surrounds me..

sigh.. must this be a thing called stress?!

. 2008 .

2008-01-07T18:04:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year!

I know, i'm a week late to wish everyone this... Been busy with work and all that.

A new year, in a new place. A new resolution to be made... What's yours?

Celebrated with a friend. Didn't go to any fancy place for this celebration. Somehow, I didn't felt the mood and occassion for it. Probably due to me feeling lonely in this strange island...

Let's sort of list down my New Year's resolution... :

1) Less smoking till i can cut it down

2) Be more productive at work!

3) Learn to save $$ more (first by cutting down my fags..!)

4) Stay at home more often!

5) Try to keep in touch with friends in M'sia... (i suddenly feel sad)

This is all i can think of at the moment, no point listing a damn long list and realize by the end of the year that i have not done not even one of it. Been doing good at cutting down the number of fags I've been smoking, due to the fact that I've been keeping myself busier during working hours and to lessen the chance of me being outdoors to smoke.

I've started a rather sad attitude this year, being lonely and quiet most of the time; unless i really need to entertain clients or some people. Sad, isn't it? For those who knew me.. it's surprising... really?!

Feeling so uncertain at times lately... of what im doing...

Lost again.. sighs.. soulless oh soulless...

. mood of dec .

2007-12-14T18:12:00.000+08:00

the festive mood is back again.

for the first time, i'm seeing and feeling it in the office. for the first time.

Thank you Phllylis, for the cake.. this month's BuRPdaY peeps are....

gst 7%, Patrick, El & Vanessa!
cutting the cake! thankz Remus for helping! such a gentleman!

hey El, what's with that look?
it has been eating Mamee, having lunch.. Mamee again.. then this cake! Exciting! =p...

... and then..

Turkey!!!

fruitful day... foodful day actually... ^^

. Raffles outing .

2007-12-13T09:57:00.000+08:00

first, there was light...then, there came a dong dong..
...figuring out how to use his cam...
first there were rays of light
his hands shook a little...
it moved even more...

a ray of light captured his eyes..."it's time to go back..." a voice was heard
and now, only that light is left...
where to go next?

. when love and death embrace .

2007-12-10T12:45:00.000+08:00

...a time where the windows open and close...

...a shimmer of light.. a shimmer of hope..

...a little of you reminds me of us..

. going,going,gone... .

2007-12-06T17:40:00.000+08:00

as expected.. i have this feeling, that i have been chosen as a scapegoat. for all the happenings.

one thing you're supposed to tell the truth, the next, you're being toss on the table for sacrifice.

no one has said a word, but i somehow felt that.

you may think i have been busybody. that was why i asked previously. and then i was told to spit it out. and now, look where has it landed me. what's the point of being protective over someone i love so much??

disappointed by you. maybe you have changed, for the better or worst, i have no idea. or maybe i have changed, for the worst. maybe what he said was correct, he doesn't know you anymore. does he still feels that way? i think i'm feeling that way.

or i just don't know who am i anymore. just a scapegoat, right? wrong?

. run with me .

2007-11-27T13:17:00.000+08:00

loneliness is catching up. i feel its breath breathing down my neck with a chilly note of air...

my breath freezes everytime... a sudden notion for me to stop down to catch some breath.

"no...don't stop!!! It'll catch up on you as soon as you stop!"

the voice in my head screams out every so loudly. the devil and the angel of me standing comfortably on either side of my shoulders. Enjoying every single minute I struggle to escape from loneliness.

the devil of me was persuading hard in my left ear. potruding me with its sharp fork.. "let loneliness come to you, invite it in your life, embrace it with your heart and soul..."

the angel of me kept distracting the devil with its sweet melodious harp.. hoping that I would not hear a word the devil said... "dear, dear girl...run away from loneliness, remember 3 years back? don't let loneliness and depression take you over..."

it's a hard decision to make. cold sweat broke, sweaty in my palms, nervous and undecidable.

however tempting and easy it is to listen to my devil, i felt, no difference. no one will pity me. the hardest is always doing and being good...

my world is sort of crumbling into pieces where it left me alone to pick up the pieces bit by bit, piecing it all together to form my own world again. i realised, how easily i break. like a chinadoll so fragile, but not pretty at all.

what's there to my existence then? pointless...

. troubled thoughts = dilemma .

2007-11-19T15:36:00.000+08:00

have you ever wondered what should you do if you found out your friend's boyfriend is actually a jerk?

what if you found out that both sides of the story tallies and you have the guilt all of the sudden? the dilemma of to tell or not to tell. to tell means you might be doing something good (if your friend accepts), or you might be doing something bad (interferring with your friend's personal life); to not tell means you're ignorant and inconsiderate as a friend, or you'll be doing yourself and your friend a good favor.

i've been troubled since the day i found out some rather 'interesting' things. worst, i couldn't sleep well yesterday night due to some disturbing information i found out and saw.

it's been hard for me.

why should i be such a busy body you might ask..

just because i care?

is that wrong?

somehow i need someone to talk to... just to clear my mind off things....

how i wish cheryl was here.. or i was back in kl...

.. i hate myself ..

. if we kissed .

2007-11-16T07:45:00.000+08:00

What would happen if we kissed?
Would your tongue slip past my lips?
Would you run away?
Would you stay?
Or would I melt into you?
Mouth to mouth, lust to lust,
Spontaneously combust...

. echoes .

2007-11-15T18:18:00.000+08:00

...war time...

. bus, oh bus .

2007-11-12T02:00:00.000+08:00

a long ride this time, back to Singa Land...

as i sat at my 5A single seat, i felt loneliness drowning me. luckily, i was not suffocating, YET.

time flew past me since the day i stepped back into kl.

i was doing that thing again, that memory flashback. the faces, the places, the scenes, the emotions... like a slideshow whooshing through, unable to pause it, even for that few seconds.

i think i have changed in a way. i've become more wild within. a hunger that i'm trying hard to hold back, just because i know i will be too greedy.

. and shall end up rotting in the dry, dry dessert .

thank you to Christopher Low, Kelvin Chan.. for lunching and yam cha-ing with me on friday at sunway.. not to mention, i miss you both so much and that ffk fella, Ernst... =.=

thank you all who came on Sat at Flam, SUnway...
Junnie, Cat cat, Jane, Cheryl, Cheryl (yes, the same name), Kidman, another gal friend of cheryl chua's that i forgotten (sorry!!!).. yet the name lingers lightly in my head.. (Argh!), Kevin, FeiHai...

thank you for the hugs, the noise, the sarcasm, the Bombay Sapphire, the flaming lamboghini, the graveyard, the ciggies, the dances...

thank you Ayob, my big friend, and Elaine Lee who brought most of us in without cover charge.

you made me teared, for being sick, dear Alexander, that you still came all the way from Sri Petaling. your hug has been comforting to me.. once again...

God bless ya'll!

Bon Sro Lanh Oon...

. missing .

2007-11-05T12:18:00.000+08:00

seem to have lost my soul.

. have you taken it away? .

. im falling ... .

. thoughts of my own .

2007-11-04T21:06:00.000+08:00

i've been relying too much on my mp4 for comfort and music, ever since the earphones got stuck in my ears, i hardly hear any natural noise anymore. it feels so fake, the music in my ears; yet it feels soothing and brings me into my world... but im not hearing anything else already, other than my own heart, my own soul. we've been so accustomed to these inventions, that we have no passion for nature anymore.

once in awhile, i'll take off those earphones and eavesdrop on conversations between those sweet, sweet couples; a soft snore from the man next to me; the loudness of one's music over the earphone; the tapping of shoes, due to impatience; the shuffling of people within the cabin... and sometimes, a roaring cry from an infant or toddler.. it may not make sense, yet it feels so comfortable and at ease. knowing that you can hear..

this shall be a confession post . dedicated, to my dear lovely sakai pp piggy sis .

it is to my delight, that you have found someone who can give you the happiness you want and also someone who cares. it is to my joy, that you have stepped out of your shell and regained that confidence in sharing your life with another person, though you may still have second thoughts about it. nonetheless, you are as happy as anyone can be in such state.

on the other hand, i was surprised, shocked and betrayed. not betrayed by you. but by my own self. my trust of him that i believed he will fulfill his promise to me. yet, not even a month, such surprise has came to me. the thought of such thing never occurred. wait, im not naive to believe that he'll ever want me. then what was the promise? perhaps i took it in the wrong way, perhaps i was just played. which he told, he doesn't play. and now what?

perhaps, i was hoping too much, my fault again. monkey reminded me, that im greedy. who wouldn't be? or perhaps im just afraid of not having the chance of being loved. maybe that is why i chose this path.

why are they so many 'perhaps' and 'maybe'? can't i make up my mind?

i'm a confused soul. no wonder i'm soulless.

soulless circus. the true meaning to this blog.

. another week .

2007-11-03T10:46:00.000+08:00

time flies. it has been a month since i left kl to pursue my career here as a business executive.

wouldn't say life has been better nor has my salary kept me enough to buy additional things i want, only ample to pay off what i need and debts i owe my aunt, for supporting me financially throughout the month of October.

a date with Monkey tonight. not a date, it's just an outing to MOS (Ministry of Sound). not sure where is that. gotta make sure my mobile has enough memory and battery to accommodate my findings for tonight at this new night place. and of course, hoping to find it enjoyable enough.

it's less than 5 days for me to return to kl for a short holiday. so many people and friends to meet, so many things to eat and to do, so many places that i yearn for enjoying my short holiday; yet so little time.

as if i'm running a 100m race with time. except, that time and me is so close together, not even sure who would win. then again, no pressure surfaced and i shall not succumb myself to such disaster.

will be back to post pictures of tonight.. hopefully!

. oktoberfest .

2007-10-27T10:06:00.000+08:00

so it was a blast, to me. for the first time in my life, im participating in this event.

door tickets were sold at $49. inclusive of a mug of good beer and a Bavarian meal set. the food was... just okay, i guess. did not tempt me much.

didn't take much pictures though.. due to me enjoying myself too much till i forgotten that i needed some pictures for my blog. Luckily, RS and SH took some pics and recorded some videos. Just need to get it from them..

did i mention?

people there are friendly.. extremely! and there were groups of people, ordering a 3 litre tower (it's in a super huge glass), passing around among friends, challenging friends to take gulps and gulps of the good beer down their belly. $72 per tower.

wait, let's not convert it into RM, savvy? it's pretty much the price and to compare it with the taste of the beer, absolutely worth it!

did i mention too?

that i was crazily dancing with this guy in red shirt. wait, i can't recall his name. it doesn't matter. i enjoyed it. to top it up, his ang mo friends were good looking too! *laughs* at the dance floor, from strangers not touching each other while dancing, we all hooked up and made this big circle and danced to the rhythm.

music selection was not too bad and the band who sang was extremely lively and humorous!! doing the 'ush ush' thing on stage, pulling audiences up to the stage to demonstrate and getting response throughout the hall. it was definitely worth going to see such scene!

thanks to RS for 'saving' my ass from red shirt guy.. haha.. as he didn't allow me to go back so early. i was going to work on the next day, so yeah, i have to respect work! and go back early!

thank you to RS, CL and SH for taking me out and made my night at Clarke Quay an enjoyable one! of course, thank you for the ride back home too!

. congrats .

2007-10-26T19:04:00.000+08:00

a huge congratulation to Mr. KL for finding his partner in life... ^^

it's nice to know that he still remembers some of our ex-students and has the courtesy to contact us for his wedding reception. it was nice to hear his voice again after almost 8 years of not seeing and hearing anything bout him.

my fault for not telling anyone regarding my leaving to Singapore for work. but then again, thank you, JK for informing me. Plus a hearty thank you for scolding me when i told you i was in Singapore. *laughs silently*

Oktoberfest at Clarke Quay tonight. First time outing with my new colleagues. Hope things will go well and hopefully there'll be someone new for me to meet up... *laughs loudly, an uncontrollable laughteR*...

. ambiguous .

2007-10-25T17:37:00.000+08:00

not sure if i'm counting the days till i depart singapore to have a short break back in kl..

not even sure if i really want to go back.

perhaps just to see my family.

perhaps to see a few close friends. or maybe i don't feel like it?

. leave me alone .

2007-10-23T17:00:00.001+08:00

the time comes again for me to say those 3 words,

leave me alone

wait, with a please at the back.

. mixed .

2007-10-22T09:38:00.000+08:00

a pang of pain. and yet a feeling of happiness.

she found someone sweet and nice, and our so called 4th person has finally emerged.. *laughs silently*

life has been good. been trying to socialize with colleagues a bit after work, trying to.. it's hard as i know i wont be too sure of what to say. knowing what and when to say things about work would be one thing i've to be really cautious of. office is too small to NOT have gossips. then again, am not bothered.

this morning's rain poured down and made me frustrated a little, why the heck did i not buy that umbrella yesterday?

a good samaritan, after our smoke under that little shade, offered me to share the umbrella to my office. thank god, otherwise i'll be stuck there like some 'dungu'... lolz..

yesterday i had some good time, flirting with one of this guy.. lolz.. for the first time, i did not simply give my number away..

no point i guess. lesson learnt.

my heart still feels prickly and hurts a little.

have this urge to go on and bury my head in work.

wait, i don't blame you, nor him. i blame myself. wait, i'm not that attached to that feeling. it might just seem like a streak of lightning bolt hitting my head.

and them im awake.

. going going gone .

2007-10-15T17:18:00.000+08:00

she viewed me. n i saw, it was her. his so called 'apart for 6 months already' girlfriend.

nothing much. don't think it would affect me much. i think... i can see fishy 6 feet under, or perhaps, given to someone else, or maybe to her... *sighs*

life has been great. on a lighter note.

experienced Singapore's weekend life a bit with Adrian since friday till yesterday...

.Hotel 81 Palace. do not ever get a room at this place or any hotels related to this name, especially at Geylang area. Unless you're the kind who feels thrilled about seeing prostitutes prying on men walking along the alleys... Weird glances and all from people at that area when i walked passed with him back to the hotel. wait... they think i'm?!!! what the heck!

heavy rain splashed upon the earth early on saturday morning.

as if knowing it has been stained with sins and all the lust... waters gushed down into the gutters that tries to push all the sins away..

Sentosa's trip was pushed to a later hour where the both of us were kind of struggling to catch a bus ride to VivoCity... it wasn't as good as i thought it would be... nonetheless, it was with him i longed to be enjoy the weekend with.

Pictures were taken with his mobile as a forgetful me left my precious Nikon digicam at my place... *sighs*

Maybe an update of pictures will be done soon.. it will won't be soon before long.. i hope?

. fishy .

2007-10-11T11:18:00.000+08:00

i keep seeing goldfishes.

i suddenly thought of Sotong.

please don't let the fishy die... i think my heart will break...

what is happening then? i feel nothing already at the moment.

playing in my head always... "Our Farewell" by Within Temptations, for i know there will be no farewell for us...

i shall always remember to have "Sweet Dreams" ... i promise i will, just because i remember it was from you...

.zouk spore.

2007-10-06T12:11:00.000+08:00

it was time for me to meet up with Monkey Jon... 3 years of not seeing and only contacting through msn was nothing for me, as we weren't really close. Then again, a weird sense came through me that i needed to see this guy and thank him for what he has told me a few years back at the comp lab.

No harm done if i were to hop over to Phuture, Zouk S'pore to have a short catch up with Monkey...

on another hand, i gave an aeroplane to a friend of mine whom i recently befriended here in Singapore. no biggies, he lives nearby me, so i guess the both of us could still arrange for another 'yam cha' session.

A total new scene felt by me as i stepped around famous Jiak Kim street for its nightlife.

11pm. and i can already see dudes and duddettes being carried out like corpses... in KL, you'll never see that till the clubs closes... aside from pubs though!

A nice clean hug from Monkey and i was hushed along to the entrance where the queue was the usual self, long. There's this thing i like about this place, you have a bag counter and bag checking. Easier for the girls who seems to have trouble holding on to their little totes and purses. A challenge for girls (like me) who wears dress and does not seem to have anywhere to stuff my belongings such as a mobile phone. Lucky for me, Monkey offered me the pleasure but then again, i think i'll just hold it on myself.

Phuture played futuristic R&B music, i know i forgotten the actual term and the DJ's name.. (my bad). It was a mixed of ups and down rhythms and i kinda yawned.. sorry, it's possible due to a week's load of work.. got a slight punch on my cheek when Monkey saw me yawned.

He's just that adorable big brother figure that you know you'll enjoy hanging out with.

I wouldn't rate the night's outing due to some unforeseen circumstances that happened which cut the night short.. perhaps somewhere in the future that Monkey will include me in his night outings.. *laughs*

.here.

2007-09-30T22:05:00.000+08:00

im finally in the land beside malaysia. Singapore.

nothing's really been settled down, other than accomodation and work. My phone line here is still pending, as i need to get back to office to check everything, including my medical check-up and work permit. I really didn't know it would be troublesome to work here... i suddenly feel like those foreigners, not expat...

lonely sunday...

aunt's working...

went to Dhoby Ghout to get some stuff done, went to PageOne to browse through books, my eyes were so blurred by the time i got to the chinese department, why does Malaysia not have such good book stores? Great, i'm starting with the comparison already. Somehow or rather, i was roaming around Bugis area on a weekend, it's packed with people as usual it happens everywhere on the weekends... The flea market has bargains.. and there's this stall where they sell beautiful chinaware, sadly, i had not camera with me... will try to post pictures about it the next weekend.. if i get out.. lolz~ ^^

i miss you guys...

june, cheryl.... especially!!! was just chatting with a friend today on the way back home about clubbing and drinking, instantly, my thought came back to both these girls...love you both... *hugz* and *muakz*

of course, there're a few more.... won't say so much though... =p

.ooh.. i got tagged!.

2007-09-25T20:19:00.000+08:00

So yeah, as i was just trying to browse friend's blogs, i got tagged!! and it hit me right smack in me face! OUCH!!! Here it goes!!!!!

Instructions: Name 20 people you can think of at the top of your head. Don't read the questions before you write, and tag 5 people to do the survey.
1. Junnie
2. Simone
3. Sotong
4. Jiar Jiar Binks
5. Pete!
6. Cheryl
7. Christopher Low
8. Adrian Lai
9. Kelvin Chan
10.Ernst Lim
11.Elaine
12.Henry
13.Nicholas
14.Marco
15.Julian
16.Nadya
17.Michael Woon
18.Jasimiine
19. Terry
20.Kiam Tat

I tag: anyone who feels like doing this... it's up to u!!!

1. How did you meet 14 (Marco)?

During advertising visual 2... i retook the subject, same as he did. Sort of just chatted cuz i guess he wanted to borrow a bloody pencil...

2.What would you do if you had never met no.1 (Junnie)?
Can't really imagine what if i never met her. I guess i wudn't be so conscious of how i look and feel. Oh wait, if i hadn't met her, i would still be thinking that i'll be one of those few girls who goes gaga over H.I.M....

3. What would you do if 20 (Kiam Tat) and 9 (Kelvin Chan) dated you?
Kiam Tat.. i doubt there'll be any chance for us to date, since we broke up like... when i was 15? But it'll be nice to meet him up again tho!!

Kelvin Chan... i guess all we'll be chatting about would be about photography and how to take better pictures.. it'll be nice, but im not sure what else can we both talk about tho...

4. Would 6 (Cheryl) and 17 (Michael Woon) make a good couple?
someone's gonna hit me on my head.

5. Describe no.3 (Sotong).
Very sweet, nice fellow. Met him at Maison... didn't really keep in touch till this week since i'm leaving for singapore on sat. I love his terrier, watermelon! and poor goldfish of his, may you rest in peace!! No worries, i bought you replacements!

6.Do you think no.8 (Adrian Lai) is attractive?
..................no comments.......maybe... i love his nose.. lolz!

7.Tell me something about no.7 (Christopher Low).
Re-DO king... lolz! My photography lecturer and the guy who gave me chances to dabble a bit in his industry... Famous fella...i guess? or so i heard... kakaka

8. Do you know anything about no.12's (Henry) family?
Not really. Though i know where he lives.

9. What is no.8's (Adrian Lai) favourite?
Curry! or anythin which is spicy!!

10. What would you do if no.11 (Elaine) confesses that he/she likes you?
LMFAO

11. What language does 15 (Julian) speak?
Mandarin, Cantonese, Hakka, BM, English

12. Who is 9 (Kelvin Chan) going out with?
No idea.. ain't that close with him. Plus he doesn't really talk about his private life

13. How old is 16 (Nadya) now?
20... if not mistaken... soweeeeeee

14. When was the last time you talked to 13 (Nicholas)?
Just a few seconds ago

15. Who is no.2's (Simone) favourite singer?
Vanness Wuuuuuuuuuuuu

16. Would you date no.4 (Jiar Jiar Binks)?
I wouldn't mind... lolz!!!

17. Would you date 7 (Christopher Low)?
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH.....................

18.Is 15 (Julian) single?
Yes....

19. What is 10's (Ernst Lim) last name?
Lim~~~~~

20. Would you ever consider being in a relationship with 11 (Elaine)?
hahaha... of course not!

21. What school does 3 (Sotong) go to?
hmm.. i knew him just not long ago.. so i ain't really sure bout this...

22. Where does 6 (Cheryl) live?
Currently in Sunway~~

23. What's your favourite thing about no.5 (Pete)?
his long philosophical talk... lolz!

. last 5 days .

2007-09-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

Here i am, trying to figure out what to do next while i wait for my japanese drama to finish loading..

darn the connection, this sucks! i really can't imagine what i'll do when i get to singapore.

A little insight about my journey to Singapore then? Basically it's a small advertising firm i'll be working in, nothing related to what i've studied at TOA, but then again, i DO hope that i'll learn the basics of an advertising firm. A year's contract that i supposed, the salary would be just ample for me to survive in Singapore for a year, included my allowance, rent and initial needs of mine...

There's people whom i know i'll miss while im away in Singapore. True enough, it's not really that far from KL but then again, the thought of having to leave all these wonderful people behind while i get myself into a new environment hurts me the most. Who shall i turn to then when i'm in need of companionship?

Loneliness is all i can feel for now... though close friends will accompany till my departure, but then again, the heart yet longs for something else...

.last few days.

2007-09-23T14:43:00.000+08:00

it feels all weird now...

less than a week before i depart to Singapore for work. it isn't far from kl, but then again, no matter how far the distance could be, it'll always bring the heart to remember and miss all...

the last two nights has been fun.. Sotong was there to fetch us girls for light dinner at the Apartment. Didn't take much, gastric been bothering me for the past week and i guess it shall be worst...

To Flam we went and memories flooded back... it was hard to breathe at first, like gushing memories pouring out from a small, narrow bottleneck. No matter how much i tried to gulp down the amount of beer in front of me, there still wasn't that tipsiness in me. Sotong was right, what he told me.. that im still young.. (haha.. he's the same age as me and tells me that.. but he's matured.. in a way!) i've just gotta take things easily...

why have i been so easily depressed lately?

on a lighter note,

thank you Sotong for that wonderful dedication...cheeky you! haha... was it a coincidence that the song was my favorite? i guess it should be, never told him that... song in my head, Sweet Dreams - Marilyn Manson... thankz again Sotong! *hugz*

counting down ...6 days...

.the other side of me.

2007-08-25T15:56:00.000+08:00

So well, i hadn't been here for quite some time. Neglected this place for some outings, interviews and a job that I have just acquired this morning.

Anyhow, went through some interesting blogs that I will soon place the links on my page.

It is not a tag but somehow, there is an urge within me to write about this. here it goes...

1. I have no interest in the following activities:
sculpting (my sense of 3D-ness is not enough, therefore, skipped!)
glass blowing ( not enough breath.. is it so? naah, it's the heat! but i remember seeing this old man along the streets of Venis, Italy showing his perfect skills. so tender and yet so powerful..)
marker visuals ( probably i don't have the skills or patience required!)
game designing ( don't think i can ever think of RPG ones especially! i suck at playin' them!)

2. Would love to try these things:
learning the art of tattooing and to draw impressive tattoo designs!
sewing, anything! of course, i would love to sew stuff that i could give at gifts!
using my hands to make crafts and gifts! knitting and crocheting would be a wonderful idea.. *beams*
scrapbooking. that is, once i find proper inspirations and to stop the procrastinating bug to die off.

3. I do or have dabbled in these things:
acrylic painting, which really tests my patience...
digital painting using photoshop.
the art of Wicca.. not really playin with spells, but just love the mystic of this art.
tarrot card readings.
corporate identity design. it's fun to start from sketch and get my head working!
photo manipulation. this is where i start to annoy people at times. well, that was last time.

4. Love it! These are my things:
Photography! my love, my life. though it's only a typical digital camera, im still grateful!
Writing.. copy writing. i do hope that i have the gift, otherwise, i'll work and learn it by myself! nothing can stop me from writing!

.bukan cinta biasa.

2007-08-15T00:09:00.000+08:00

Begitu banyak cerita
Atas sebab ada duka
Cinta yang ingin ku tulis
Bukanlah cinta biasa

Dua keyakinan beza
Masaalah pun takkan sama
Ku tak ingin dia ragu
Mengapa mereka selalu bertanya

Cintaku bukan di atas kertas
Cintaku getaran yang sama
Tak perlu di paksa
Tak perlu di cari
Kerna ku yakin ada jawabnya...ohhh

Andai ku bisa merubah semua
Hingga tiada orang terluka
Tapi tak mungkin,
Ku tak berdaya
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawabnya

Janji terikat setia
Masa mengupas segala
Mungkin dia kan berlalu
Ku tak mahu mereka tertawa

Diriku hanya insan biasa
Miliki naluri yang sama
Tak ingin berpaling
Tak ingin berganti
Jiwa ku sering saja berkata..ohh

Andai ku mampu mengulang semula
Ku pasti tiada yang curiga
Kasih kan hadir
Tiada terduga
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawapan...

Cintaku bukan di atas kertas
Cintaku getaran yang sama
Tak perlu di paksa
Tak perlu di cari
Kerna ku yakin ada jawabnya...ohhh

Andai ku bisa merubah semua
Hingga tiada orang terluka
Tapi tak mungkin
Ku tak berdaya
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawabnyaohhh

Diriku hanya insan biasa
Miliki naluri yang sama
Tak ingin berpaling
Tak ingin berganti
Jiwa ku sering saja berkata..ohh

Andai ku mampu pulang semula
Ku pasti tiada yang curiga
Kasih kan hadir
Tiada terduka
Hanya yakin menunggu
Jawapan...

Secara ikhlasnya ku berjanji

Walau bagaimana dipaksa...
Hanyamu yang tetap ku cintai

Walau bagaimana dipisahkan...
Hatiku hanya milikimu

Walau bagaimanapun...

Cintaku bukan cinta biasa....

.passing time.

2007-08-08T21:30:00.000+08:00

.before.

.after.

still needs a lot of improvement...

.lost.

2007-08-07T12:20:00.000+08:00

the lies and memories came back hunting.

once again tears flow freely unto my pillow.

unable to breath, unable to think

a decision so hard to make

just because i thought i loved you...

a new chapter must start

as i know we've never ended that dreadful, painful memory..

thanks to your lies

i awoke in agony...

knowing what i should do best...

.toast.

2007-08-05T13:19:00.000+08:00

Wait, this isn't my doing.

I ain't such a genius. I guess i would practically just eat toast rather than doing something different to the toast.

wait, i don't quite like toast, unless im on vacation and this hotel serves breakfast buffet and toast shall be one of my choices.

there are more to see at the site. just click on the image.

and wait, if you hate charity, don't go. or maybe, just go and judge it for yourself.

.algorithm march.

2007-08-04T16:39:00.000+08:00

Dig this...?

Recruitting members for this harmless, fun march. just for the sake of laughs! =)

Algorithm March (Arugorizumu Koushin, アルゴリズムこうしん) lyrics

Take one step forward and reach forward
Ippo susande maenarae

Take one step forward and you're a better person
Ippo susande eraihito

Turn around and bow to the person
Hikkurikaete pekorinko

Walk sideways and look around
Yoko ni aruite kyorokyoro

Wait a little here and do a wide swim
Chotto kokorade hiraoyogi

Kneel for a bit and pick up a chestnut
Chotto shangande kurihiroi

We'll put air in it "woosh woosh"
Kuuki iremasu shuu shuu

The air is inside "pyuu pyuu"
Kuuki ga haitte pyuu pyuu

.tagged!.

2007-08-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

Should have just trust my instincts to not read anyone's blog till sunday or till im really really freeeeee.....

see, this is what happens when i read this mushroom's blog! *sighs*

gotta squeeze my brain of what is this tag is about, then i gotta think of what to write for this tag and to think of names of whom i can tag... argh..

here it goes...

HERE ARE THE RULES:

> Each blogger must post these rules first.
> Each blogger starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
> Bloggers that are tagged need to write on their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
> At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
> Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. I've got a brand new hair do.

2. I love to hug my mumuque soft toy to sleep every night.

3. My pet peeves is idiots who stops replying my text messages all of the sudden, leaving me hanging...

4. I can drink all night long.

5. Can be very shy at times.

6. Still thinking what to randomly write here.

7. Graduating in 2 weeks time.

8. Worrying about working life...

gosh, i'm finally done! *phew* now.. let's see, who to tag...the prob is, no one reads my blog... argh! headache~

1. Patty

2. Wei Ni

3. Po po~ ^^

4. Nicky Woo

5. You there, sitting in front of the comp

6, And you, who's staring at this page

7. Don't go, you female blogger

8. Don't leave me alone, you male blogger...

there.done.finish.gone.go.going.leave.walk.run.roll.bounce.jump.crawl.

.mojo.

2007-08-01T18:17:00.000+08:00

Big Chicken lost his mojo at Mojo that night...

Under the bridge of Big Chicken's armpit, Atuk, does it stink that baD?!

Dear Junnie sis, time for your bedtime... *giggles*

Nadya back in civilization. Love that tudung you were wearing! hahaha!!!

The friends who made it happened that night...
thanks to Big CHicken, Atuk, Nadya and dear dear Junnie...

Group pic: Big Chicken, mwa, Junnie, Nadya and Atuk!

All in all, another memory...love you guys.. =)

.journal.

2007-07-26T17:52:00.000+08:00

.the habit of writing is back again.
.a sudden memoir tingles behind the head.
.as if feeling left behind.

.i still miss you, suddenly...

.forgive me.

.bday.a religious.

2007-07-25T12:54:00.000+08:00

Happy 24th Birthday Kiam Tat. The best of all wishes to you.

How long was it? 4-5 years?

6 months relationship and i needed 4-5 years to forget you... in a way. Your birthday was always special to me.

The last time i ever handmade a card, the title 'Happy Birthday' in chinese was made by twisting wires together. My fingers blistered but it never did bothered me. Remember that our usual meet up place was at McDonalds beside Central Market? It still bothers me to see that place now. *laughs* those sweet sweet memories...

The first time of meeting you at the KTM at Serdang. The long walk to Mines Wonderland.. and soft drinks we drank that made me felt cold... and your warm hand just held on to mine to pass on the warmth. It was then i felt that tingling sensation running through me and the adreanaline that rushed up cheeks.

For the first time i blushed.

Then it began. A wonderful 6 month relationship that i never took granted for.

The long bus rides to and fro home and destinations.. the long walks...

Our virgin dating experiences... *laughs* yeah, we were both the 1st of each other.

The usual meeting place at McDOnalds... the first and last birthday celebration at Sunway Pyramid. It was at Dave's Deli. It's no longer there... does this mean i have to keep up with time and to forget that particular memory?

It was so new to us and it felt so right to be together till the family and friends matter came as a problem.. We left each other without saying a word.

The first ever guy to cry in front of me, hugging me ever so tightly... just because he was afraid to loose me. I saw the sincerity in those glassy eyes. and those eyes are the only ones i'll ever believe till now...

It's the 7th year wishing him birthday wishes. 6th year wishing him through text messaging.. i wouldn't know when this religious bday wish would stop..

Maybe the end of this would to hand him one last handmade card.. since it started with that...

All the best my dear, dear friend... Though we may never see each other again.. I shall always miss you deep in my heart...

God bless...

*hugz*

.sigh.

2007-07-05T13:10:00.000+08:00

memories of the past came back.

a song so strong.

reflective of that ever so hurt past...

.一辈子孤单.

我想我会一直孤单

.bish bash.

2007-06-25T06:07:00.000+08:00

as long as there are shadows,

there's still light...

hope is still within the shadows...

just have to learn to see.

.doubles.

2007-06-24T13:12:00.001+08:00

big and small, side by side...
up and down...ouch..

.her dance.

2007-06-23T13:50:00.000+08:00

as time brings us sliding down its tunnel.

we eventually become older, and ever the more silly.

my dear sis, happy belated birthday~ 9th june...

please take good care of yourself.. love ya!

.response.

2007-06-18T21:20:00.000+08:00

If I Died Tomorrow...

There would be a wake, an empty wake

of which few souls would dare partake

There would be tears, some useless tears,

from those I've met through all the years

There would be talk, a lot of talk

some talks of waste and my cut stalk

That is, if I died tomorrow...

I would lay in coffin black

with handles brass as if to fend

off some invisible attack

I'd lay so still but feel no pain

my eyes stay closed, not seeing the light

I shall never lose but never gain

That is, if I died tomorrow...

There would be a stone, a lifeless stone

over this grave I call my own

There would be grass, beautiful grass

who's beauty I could not try to surpass

There would be trees, tremendous trees

who soar to heights that only a bird sees

That is, if I died tomorrow...

(c) Raven - http://www.ravensrants.com

And in my own words... and in my heart..

I would see familiar faces above me,

Who would think and talk memoirs of me,

Of the girl who once laughed so hard she fell,

I would see all but one..

The one true person i ever loved

A lost that i'll never be able to touch again,

That is, if i died tomorrow..

.candle.

2007-06-17T15:47:00.000+08:00

a moment of silence...a candle i shall burn for you in my heart...

i tried not to cry infront of cheryl. it would look embarassing.

the news came as a shock as sadness overwhelmed me.

i shall miss you, dear dear Fendi..

it was unfair to only see you a few times, and then you flew back.. not knowing you will never come back, nor wake up..

it was unfair to know that Lynn would have to live alone, adjusting to life, knowing that you'll never be there for her physically. Lynn, Fendi will be there for you in your heart. Be strong and stay cheerful...

it was unfair for you to lay there, waiting for Him to lead you back home...

but, knowing that you are now back with Him, knowing that you have left all pain and suffering.. makes me in peace..

no more needles, no more tubes, no more pain... all at peace and silence, where you can finally have you eternal rest..

dear Fendi, friend of mine.. though time did not allow us the time to bond our friendship, but i thank Him for allowing this short crossing between our paths...

Rest well, my dear friend... your war with pain has finally ended.. we might not meet again, but the memoirs we have shall be kept in my heart forever...

Take good care of Lynn, as i know you'll be beside her always... she needs the strength..

Goodbye Fendi...

.burning midnight oil.

2007-06-11T02:02:00.000+08:00

it's been a long time since i last posted here. kinda sick of blogging in a way. makes me depressed in a way. weird huh?

yeah. the Intuchinqs were laughing at me about it. sad.

went for a smoke at the balcony. this crazy kancil was blasting its sound system. idiotic music. play something decent at least, like Yoji's or Benny.. or something better.

then dogs started barking. then they were chasing and running around the neighbourhood below me.

everything suddenly just went bizarre for a while in this quiet quiet night.

lazy to upload the pictures from my phone, procrastination.

lazy to upload pictures from my digital camera, procrastination.

sick of drawing storyboard for assignments, procrastination still. and that's the reason of me being up and burning the midnight oil. serves me right.

i'm missing adrian so much.. things changed when dad stopped going overseas to work. we'd only see each other once a week now when he used to stay over on weekends. now when dad's back in kl and we've moved to a smaller place, there's simply no place for him to sleep, unless he wants to sleep on the couch. *laughs*

volleyball is getting to my head again and not to mention, my beer belly. *sighs* this is sickening (the beer belly). i guess it's time for sit ups once again... no procrastination for this i hope. i don't want to be fat when i grow older.. (dreads the thought about it)

new stuff - i've got a god sis!! so now i've got a god bro, god sis and a god mum! no, not the silly pet bro or sis stuff in school days. this is for real, i hope? i'm excited, knowing that i'm growing through the years... of course, there's always this tiny little part of me getting wild at times... *winkz*

this is the longest post, so far.

back to assignments. *argh*

.book crossing.

2007-03-29T14:24:00.000+08:00

from tonight onwards, i shall start leaving a book in places people would share.

i think malaysians need to start a bit of sharing and reading at the same time.

curious? check http://www.bookcrossing.com

may the power of book crossing cross our paths!

.pavlova-new found fav-

2007-03-23T21:34:00.000+08:00

Chilled out at Alexis in Bangsar with Mushroom, Junnie and Prem!

After a few window shopping, and a try-out on a no no dress... we finally halt at Alexis, just because mushroom found her fav food at the pastry case.

ta-da~

It's a Pavlova.
ingredients?! you wouldn't believe it.. generous toppings of fruits, strawberries, kiwis, berries.. the best part of this dessert?!

Pamper your tastebuds when you fork this dessert down and take one full bite. It melts perfectly in your mouth and smoothly goes down your throat.. For those who worries about being sinful, fret not! no egg yolks, just finely beaten egg white and a generous layer of non-sweetened cream... *yummy*

i think i need to frequent this place more.. for this wonderful dessert!! can't wait!